Just this past weekend, my husband took boy1 and boy2 away for the weekend, leaving me with kidlet3, our daughter. It wasn’t until they actually left that I realized this was the first time in her 3 1/2 years that we had spent more than a couple hours alone.
We had a really pleasant weekend just hanging out together. There were moments when my daughter seemed like a completely different individual. Where was the proud, assertive preschooler who refused to be wronged? I guess she didn’t feel the need to…I don’t want to say compete for my attention… but I think that’s what siblings do, especially when you’re one of 3.
One moment really stood out for me, when we were out for breakfast. We coloured quietly while sipping on our respective beverages and chatted over crepes. As we were leaving, she tugged on my hand and asked if we could do this again tomorrow. I got that familiar heart-squeeze that every parent knows too well. I squeezed her hand back and promised that we would return soon.
I make an effort to pay individual attention to each of my kids daily. I’m hesitant to make anyone, including myself, feel guilty about not spending enough time with their children. But it occurs to me now that perhaps some regular one-on-one time, away from the rest of the family, should become more of a priority.
Apparently, science agrees. Studies have shown that the best way to prime babys’ brains for the massive amount of learning that needs to happen is to strengthen the parent-child bond. And how can we nurture this bond? It turns out, one-on-one time is a simple but powerful way. When we give our kids our undivided attention, when we really connect with them, their brains release oxytocin. This chemical, also known as the ‘cuddle hormone’, makes children feel safe and loved, prerequisites for learning. So basically, the more loved and connected your child feels, the more his/her brain feels safe to grow and develop.
It’s pretty easy to bond with our kids when they’re young. They want our attention and love cuddles. But the older they get, the more complicated life will get for them. So my goal is to build this important foundation now while it’s still fairly easy. I’m hoping when the time comes to talk about more difficult issues, they’ll be more likely to open up to me.
Now that it’s dawned on me how important one-on-one time is, I’m determined to fit it in with each of my kids, even if it means pulling them out of school one afternoon a month. I’m hoping I’ve already started a tradition with my daughter. May there be many more chats over crepes in our future.
Do you make a point of regularly spending one-on-one time with each of your children? How do you squeeze it into your busy schedule?
